Do you know someone who has been through the wringer? Someone who has been mauled by life, pummeled with tragedy after travail after trauma?
I had the privilege of spending time with my friend Adele recently. From the time I met her ten or so years ago, Adele has been an absolute rock of stability and quiet class despite deep heartache. For the past decade, she has been the primary caregiver for her husband of fifty years. She rode a seesaw of hope and despair as she watched him decline, get better, then decline again before finally succumbing to illness. “I miss my healthy husband,” she said through tears as we talked.
Professional changes, including retirement from a long career and the launching of a private consulting practice, challenged her sense of self. Family episodes added to this challenge and caused deep consternation about when a parent’s job is ‘done.’
We all know that answer: Never. However, being there with a safety net for adult progeny requires extraordinary strength, patience, and grace. I feel quite certain I don’t have that level of virtue. Frankly, I don’t know many who do.
Thanksgiving tends to be a time of reflection for many. We give thanks for things big and small, important and inconsequential. This is a wonderful practice.
I believe it should also be a time of awe and reverence. We walk among many quiet, dignified people who suffer heart-wrenching loss and mind-numbing uncertainty. Unless you have an opportunity to sit and talk with them at a time they are willing or need to share, you might never realize this.
The longer I listened to Adele, the more profoundly I understood what a privilege it was to have time with her. “You are remarkable,” was all I could say as our conversation concluded. This might have been an uncomfortable moment, and indeed it caused us both to tear up a bit. But it was a reason to marvel together and recognize how lucky we are to share a bit of life’s path.
Find reason today to marvel at the ordinary, next-door-neighbor-type people you know. Then count your many marvelous blessings.
