A fancy term, confirmation bias simply states that what we experience internally is what we look for in the world. If we believe life is difficult, we will find hardship. If we believe people are manipulative, we will find evidence in the slightest detail. As Henry Ford correctly stated, “Whether you think you can or whether you think you cannot, you are right.”

Nowhere is this more apparent than in self-defeating behaviors.

I’ve been reflecting on this as a dear friend faces cancer treatment. This individual has been through both challenging and satisfying times, as most of us encounter. Whether this person is genetically inclined toward the negative, or whether this is a mindset that has accrued over years of mild to significant disappointment is impossible to know. However, I do know that what lies ahead will be more difficult with a pessimistic outlook.

I believe we live in a particularly difficult time with regard to cultivating a healthy mindset. There’s too much rah-rah in the face of distressing realities—economic, social and political. People have been challenged to put on happy faces when their guts are churning and to pretend their Facebook posts reflect their current status. The flip side of the coin is also true. We’re encouraged to believe that every setback is fatal and everyone who has a different perspective is an enemy.

This is deeply disorienting and wreaks havoc on even the strongest of souls. What to do?

First, take a deep breath and a walk outdoors. Ground yourself in the here and now. You are functioning. What lies ahead is unknown. May be manageable, may be disastrous. It isn’t here yet. I believe it can be beneficial, or at least okay, if you believe it will be manageable, and disastrous if you believe it will be.

That’s not to say you have power over every circumstance, of course. But you do have power to direct the trajectory of your thoughts. If you’ve never heard about this or tried it, I encourage you to experiment. When you are despairing over a friend’s betrayal, turn your thoughts to a beloved memory. Or a favorite meal you will prepare tonight. When you feel pain, walk faster, take a deep breath and appreciate the power of your legs.

Yes, I realize this sounds silly. Try it. You may find power in your thoughts and subsequent decisions that is life changing. It is there, waiting for you to tap into it.