Reflecting on a week that took me to many different places, challenges, and people dealing with them, a number of patterns seem apparent.
The first is the personal lens through which each problem was filtered.
I learned about WII-FM years ago. Stands for “What’s In It For Me?” Certainly, this is a natural starting point. From ancestors who fled danger to live another day, to today’s far less dire, but no less self-preserving tendencies, it starts with moi.
Trouble is, when everyone is singularly focused, collaboration, diversity, equity and inclusion become nice-to-haves. Cool if I’m taken care of. Not cool if I’m not. And don’t push me or I’ll call you bad names.
The second pattern I’ll label, loosely, as catastrophic thinking. If I don’t get what I need, the end is near. Whether the end is termination of my job, loss of credibility within my peer group or industry, or a simple “no” to whatever I demand, it’s seriously bad. I may or may not survive.
This drama is a feature of everyday news coverage. As such, it becomes something a lot of people aspire to replicate, thinking it makes them visible and thus important.
Sadly, drama may make you visible, but it undermines your importance. If you can’t pull yourself together over a minor setback, what in the world might any of us who are dependent on your judgment conclude? Doomsday for us! Thus, catastrophic thinking not only lives on, but can take on the patina of wisdom.
The last pattern I’ll mention is the ever-present heaviness that can accompany important decisions. If someone gets upset, I’ll be upset. They might say bad things about me as a leader and I don’t know how I’d deal with that.
There is a lot of confusion today about the classic choice: Do you want to be liked or respected? We all know the proper choice is “respected.” In our heart of hearts, though, we’d really like to be liked because then respect would follow, no?
No. Those who are constantly scanning the landscape for approval/disapproval telegraph they have no “true north.” That’s an interesting concept today. True North. What is it? What is it based upon? My truth? Your truth? What people expect according to today’s workplace demands, which span a very wide gamut?
Our True North may be someone else’s Deep Darkness and for heaven’s sake we don’t have the time or mental clarity to have that conversation!
My point here is that the variables we are juggling today are far more numerous, nebulous, and potentially derailing than those of even a decade ago. They are difficult, no doubt. They can be painful to navigate. They require time for deep consideration.
And there’s the rub. No one has time! That’s not true, of course. We all have the time if we choose to take it. But WII-FM, catastrophic thinking, and the weight of our decisions all conspire to keep us feeling somewhat frenetic about doing the right thing at the right time for the right reason.
Goodness. Let’s all take a breath.
