Like most people on planet Earth, I have struggled the past few years to understand what is happening around me. Frustration, confusion, distraction and fatigue have become hallmarks of too many days for too many of us.
Where did it come from? Why has it reached such a fevered pitch? (BTW, is there any other kind of pitch? Sorry for the cliché.)
People are spring-loaded to the snapping position, and it impacts nearly every interaction. Loyalty tests are unspoken, but people dismiss others whose values do not align. Triggers are easily tripped and the explosions that occur are noisy, messy, and destructive at levels that are sometimes irreparable.
For what?
I have my own thoughts about how we got to this state (ever so incrementally over a long time), but none of us can rewind our life journeys to change decisions, actions or words in order to avert difficulties that have arisen since. We can only move forward.
If we are to change any of the messes we find ourselves being forced to confront, we need to find different responses. Not reactions—those are the knee-jerk things we do based on habit—but responses. Thoughts and actions aimed at something in particular: a step forward, an altered trajectory, a different outcome, new learning.
As an example, instead of arguing my point of view when loudly challenged by someone with a different view of things, I can silence my reaction—a loud rebuttal—and instead listen beyond the words thrown at me to choose a response. This takes some doing. Sometimes a lot of doing!
Our natural tendency is to protect what we know and care about. This protection comes across as defensive because it is! We defend what we believe is right. By “right” I mean true to what we have learned, experienced, or been rewarded for in the past. You can see where this can be wildly different from person to person, age to age, culture to culture and so forth.
Social mores change. We may wish they didn’t, but they do.
The personal challenge for each of us is to take time to consider how we want to navigate life, who we want to become in the process, and what we want others to know about us. You may be thinking you don’t give a fig about what others think of you, but most of us do on some level. A good reputation is a strong asset in any circumstance.
Taking time to consider all of this is challenging. It’s a challenge worth accepting. Slow it down. You’ll benefit and so will those you care most about.