You Matter–Profoundly

It is the Friday before Christmas and for my family it has been a difficult and tragic week. I learned mid-week that my older sister has entered end stage renal disease. She has begun dialysis three times a week and will continue this for the rest of her life.

She is pragmatic about this development. Her health has been challenged for decades. That she is “taking it in stride” suggests she has come to terms with it. I suspect she has not. But without an open discussion, I will not and cannot know. This is as it should be. We share what we are willing and retain our privacy as we must.

On Friday morning, my younger sister called. She began leaving a message and when I picked up she was sobbing. Her middle son had died suddenly the night before. “ A heart attack, they think.”

My heart broke into a billion pieces as I shared her indescribable grief. This is the same sister who lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly just 12 days after she and I held Mom’s hand as she passed on.

I am left to pray, fervently, that the God I have come to know will hold these women close as His will unfolds. I try to fathom the depth of grief any human can withstand and the well of resilience any human can access. I cannot.

Our natural tendency is to ask, “Why? Why this? Why now? Why, why, why?” My mind fractures as those questions echo.

A life sentence of medical intervention is depressing. The finality of death, especially of a child, is devastating.

I pray and it seems feeble. A strip of gauze pulled close again a hurricane of pain. Still, prayer calms my mind. It reminds me who is in charge, not only of my sisters, my nephew and his widow, but each one of us. Our time here is short. It is meaningful, we must never forget this. The ones who love you truly love you. Be kind and generous to them while you are here. Be patient with their quirks and demands. They only know how to be them. And whether they admit it or not, they will be fractured when you are gone.